*Note- These are my opinions. And this is a fun blog. I don't want to cause my own reality-tv-like drama!
So I have been putting off writing a blog entry about Dance Moms. Everyone I know asks if I watch it, so it’s only natural that I write about it. I just know, however, that writing about Dance Moms could become as controversial as the show itself.
Yes, I watch Dance Moms. It’s probably a horrible thing to admit being a dance teacher. However, I think that being a dance teacher gives me the ability to watch it from a knowledgeable stand point, and as an adult, I can watch it from a doubting standpoint. Some of Dance Moms is clearly real. The talent that these kids have is phenomenal. That comes from the discipline that they have learned at the Abby Lee Miller studio. It’s important to keep in mind, though, that it is still a “reality” tv show. This means, that half the situations are over-dramatized, and are even fueled by the producers.
The first thing that got to me about the show was the “win or you’re nothing” attitude. Between the posters on the walls (put up by the producers?) and the infamous Pyramid, it was a straight shot out of the gate for this show to promote some bad ideas. As dance teachers in the competitive world, you obviously want your students to excel and do their best. My students freak when they win high scores, and they get really excited when they exceed their own expectations for their dancing. I do that, though, by impressing technique upon them, encouraging them to go to every ballet class they can get their hands on, and working hard within their classes. I don’t pit these students against each other. By promoting a pyramid, Abby is encouraging the kids to become as catty as their mothers.
You can see it in the nine year old Maddie. She likes to say how she’s undefeated and she doesn’t get nervous because she’s so good. If any one of my students started to get that attitude, I would not be a happy camper. Most teachers goal is to promote camaraderie amongst groups so that they build good team work skills and good sportsmanship. It was so upsetting to me to see in the latest episode when a “rival” or “fan” of Maddie’s came up to talk to her in a friendly manner, and yet Maddie acted like a little snotty brat. Had I ever done that when I was competing back in the day, not only would my mother have had some harsh words with me, but so would my competition director and studio owner. Maddie has started to get a big head at a young age, and it’s causing jealousy and bad attitudes amongst the other kids.
I also don’t like the fact that Abby treats these nine year olds like they’re 18. I understand the concept behind trying to prepare these kids for the commercial world of dance, and helping them to become more independent people. At nine, though, this should not be something on these kids’ minds. Yes, they are on a “fast track” to a dance career, and they want to be the best, but at what cost? With the way that their schedules are described, they seem to only go to school and dance, with an emphasis on dance, and not on their education. This does not create a well-rounded individual, and can cause issues for when they become adults. Abby seems to have forgotten that while these kids want to become dancers, they won’t be able to be dancers forever. It’s particularly true if these kids are already experiencing injuries from their intense schedules. What’s going to happen to Brooke when she’s 22, dancing for a company, and tears something? Her career will be slowed down, if not over, at a very early age, and the poor girl won’t have the education behind her to back her up for another career.
Kids still need to be kids. I know from experience that dancers tend to be more independent and disciplined for their ages, but they still need the opportunities to go hang out with friends, or be part of the school band, or be involved with volunteer work, etc. Dancers need to be more than dancers- they need to have personalities and interests beyond the dance world. As they become older, they can choose to become more focused and work on their dancing, as opposed to have their focus be chosen for them at a very early age.
The dance mothers alone drive me nuts. The very first episode made me very grateful to have the mother that I did. My mom was a dance mom, but she never ran out of the dressing rooms to go double fist glasses of booze only to come back and burn me with a hot straightener. Nor did she ever have blow out fights with the director in front of everyone. My mother was at every competition, was usually one of the most organized and prepared, and was always supportive of me in the best ways possible.
I couldn’t believe the “Maddie has two solos” drama. First of all, the point was made that Maddie had a standing private lesson for tap every week. Naturally, the kid is working extra hard, so it would make sense that the kid deserves two solos. When Christie had a conniption over the fact that her daughter Chloe did not have as many opportunities as Maddie, my question was why wasn’t she booking privates? Why wasn’t she finding extra studio space to get her daughter improving? If Christie wants to fight for her daughter’s opportunities, she should be fighting for the studio space and time. She shouldn’t be forcing another mother to limit her own daughter’s opportunities. Of course everyone deserves their time to shine, but look at Nia’s mom, Holly. She didn’t like the way things were going, so there she was in the hallway and dressing rooms with her little book of corrections she had during Nia’s private, working with Nia and discussing the corrections with her daughter. She was taking an active role in her daughter’s progression as a dancer. Yes, she did her own amount of complaining, but she backed herself up by taking the initiative in her daughter’s life. It paid off, too, because Nia went on to win first in her category. Christie should’ve taken a hint from that, and become involved.
I respect Abby as a teacher and an owner. I understand the mindset of someone who is at a self-proclaimed “world class” level. I admire how she puts her foot down, and does not waiver on her policies and rules. Of course she doesn’t always possess the tact of a charming figurehead, but when you’re faced with some of these parents, it’s only natural that you have to bring a stone face and harsh words. Being attacked by a mother is never fun, and I don’t blame Abby for getting defensive. Yes, she is a little crazy, and some of the stuff she does, as previously mentioned, is a little over the top. I love that presses technique upon the kids. That’s the one thing I can never ever say enough to my own students. I also respect that she does a lot of her own costuming. The fact that she can crank out so many dances, too, week after week is a great feat.
My concern with this show on tv is that it promotes the wrong image of competition studios. Not all studios put winning as the focus, and have a crazy studio director with catty, “Mean Girls” Moms. The grand majority of studios that I know of promote the LOVE of dance. They promote lasting friendships with their classmates, discipline and confidence, a safe and fun environment, and a caring and involved staff. Abby’s studio is being promoted as Crazytown, USA. Of course, the dance competition world is a little crazy, and it’s a different lifestyle than that of the kid who chooses soccer or art classes. It’s just not as crazy as Abby’s studio is portrayed as. It worries me that my own younger students will watch this show and see some of the things these kids do as okay. I worry that even recreational students will see that and think that their own studio’s competition teams are like that, and will shy away from wanting to be a part of it. I’m even worried about newer, younger teachers that have extraordinary gifts, but will watch the show, and shy away from competitive programs because they worry that that is what they will have to deal with.
As a dance teacher, and even as a past competitive dancer, I know that yes, some of these situations do happen, but they are not as dramatic as some of it is portrayed. I just hope that by laying out some of my opinions, people will read and realize that not all teachers and dance moms are crazy. I can even go so far as to say that I am lucky to be a part of a studio that has some extremely mild parents compared to these wild ones portrayed, and that the studio I am a teacher at promotes all the right things.
So the next time you watch Dance Moms, keep an open mind. And remember that personally, I’m watching it for the same reason I watch the Jersey Shore- it reminds me of how lucky I am, and it provides me with an entertaining hour of train-wreck like proportions.
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