Monday, March 12, 2012
Dance Dance Dance
Sunday, March 11, 2012
Coming Out of My Dance Shell
So I have been very absent from this blog lately. I have been absent from my Twitter page as well. This is due to some major changes in my personal life over the past few weeks, and I am sad to say that these were the first few things to go the wayside. However, I am slowly building back up to something along the lines of normalcy in my personal life, and I thought, what a wonderful way to bring it back through a blog!
So not to divulge too much about my situation, but let’s just say that I have released something in my life that was holding me down for too long, and it has rocked many of the foundations that I have built over the past few years of my life. However, with this rocking of foundations has come with certain realizations of myself. One of those realizations is that as a dancer, it is not just what I do, but part of who I am.
When this release happened, the first thing that I wanted to do was DANCE. I wanted to choreograph. I wanted to channel all those emotions and conflicts inside my head into bodily movement to tell my story. And you know what? I did. I took the time to go into a dance studio recently and just dance my heart out. I haven’t taken a dance class since the summer, and I was scared to know what I looked like. I had no mirrors in front of me to see how I was doing and I was barely awake with only half a cup of coffee in my system. I recorded my dancing, and to my surprise, I looked decent. We all have a tendency to be our own worst critics, but certain things surprised me.
There is one song that stood out for me when I improvised. I put on the song “Breathe Again” by Sara Bareilles, and just went for it. Little did I know that 1- it would turn into looking like a put together piece, and 2- that I would start crying in the middle of the dancing. The song is about leaving someone behind because you’re looking for something more, and hoping someday you’ll find it. It hits home a little too much right now. One movement where I let out all the air in body suddenly became an epic moment in my life. It was the realization that dance would always be there for me.
People ask all me the time- “well, what are you going to do when you can’t dance anymore?” People look at me like I’m crazy for wanting to be in a career where you don’t get paid a whole lot, and when you need to search out your own benefits, if you can get any. People wonder why I choose an art for a career.
This is my answer- I have known since the age of 7 that I wanted to be a dancer. Sure, I went through stints where I wanted to be a marine biologist or a writer, but I always knew inside that it was always going to be dance. I don’t care if there are hardships, or struggles. Those are just channeled into the choreography and dancing, and enhances my life experiences. Financially it may not be sound, but dancers find ways, and we make sacrifices so that we can do this. I do not get upset from having to have another job to pay my bills. If anything, it teaches me more discipline and responsibility. While I may have needed guidance in those areas for a while, I have grown to become an incredible person from my dancing. I have learned so much from being a dancer, and I continue to learn from it, and my mentors, teachers, and peers within the field.
Dance is not something that grew into my life. There was something in my soul and my spirit at conception that was implemented so that I would be able to share my talent with the universe. My purpose in life is to dance, and therefore, is part of me. It is part of who I am, and not just what I do, and how many people get to say that in this lifetime? Very very few.
I hope to continue to learn the various forms in which this purpose is going to manifest. I am excited that this realization came while I am still young enough to take full advantage of it, and I am looking forward to even more realizations in other parts of my life.
And you can bet that I will be back here more to talk about my journeys!
So not to divulge too much about my situation, but let’s just say that I have released something in my life that was holding me down for too long, and it has rocked many of the foundations that I have built over the past few years of my life. However, with this rocking of foundations has come with certain realizations of myself. One of those realizations is that as a dancer, it is not just what I do, but part of who I am.
When this release happened, the first thing that I wanted to do was DANCE. I wanted to choreograph. I wanted to channel all those emotions and conflicts inside my head into bodily movement to tell my story. And you know what? I did. I took the time to go into a dance studio recently and just dance my heart out. I haven’t taken a dance class since the summer, and I was scared to know what I looked like. I had no mirrors in front of me to see how I was doing and I was barely awake with only half a cup of coffee in my system. I recorded my dancing, and to my surprise, I looked decent. We all have a tendency to be our own worst critics, but certain things surprised me.
There is one song that stood out for me when I improvised. I put on the song “Breathe Again” by Sara Bareilles, and just went for it. Little did I know that 1- it would turn into looking like a put together piece, and 2- that I would start crying in the middle of the dancing. The song is about leaving someone behind because you’re looking for something more, and hoping someday you’ll find it. It hits home a little too much right now. One movement where I let out all the air in body suddenly became an epic moment in my life. It was the realization that dance would always be there for me.
People ask all me the time- “well, what are you going to do when you can’t dance anymore?” People look at me like I’m crazy for wanting to be in a career where you don’t get paid a whole lot, and when you need to search out your own benefits, if you can get any. People wonder why I choose an art for a career.
This is my answer- I have known since the age of 7 that I wanted to be a dancer. Sure, I went through stints where I wanted to be a marine biologist or a writer, but I always knew inside that it was always going to be dance. I don’t care if there are hardships, or struggles. Those are just channeled into the choreography and dancing, and enhances my life experiences. Financially it may not be sound, but dancers find ways, and we make sacrifices so that we can do this. I do not get upset from having to have another job to pay my bills. If anything, it teaches me more discipline and responsibility. While I may have needed guidance in those areas for a while, I have grown to become an incredible person from my dancing. I have learned so much from being a dancer, and I continue to learn from it, and my mentors, teachers, and peers within the field.
Dance is not something that grew into my life. There was something in my soul and my spirit at conception that was implemented so that I would be able to share my talent with the universe. My purpose in life is to dance, and therefore, is part of me. It is part of who I am, and not just what I do, and how many people get to say that in this lifetime? Very very few.
I hope to continue to learn the various forms in which this purpose is going to manifest. I am excited that this realization came while I am still young enough to take full advantage of it, and I am looking forward to even more realizations in other parts of my life.
And you can bet that I will be back here more to talk about my journeys!
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