DING DONG DOMA IS DEAD!

Dancers come in all shapes, sizes, genders, and races.  Dancers also know what it’s like to walk into a room and be told to leave because you don’t “fit” what they’re looking for.  Mostly it’s because you don’t have the right look that the choreographer is looking for.  Perhaps you’re too short.  Maybe your legs aren’t long enough.  Either way, rejection hurts.

Nothing would ever compare, though, to being told that you don’t have the same rights when you get married to the person you love because of your sexual preference. 

I am so proud to be an American today.  DOMA (the Defense Of Marriage Act) has been shut down.  It’s a step forward for our nation, and hopefully a step forward for our world.  The amount of hatred I have seen in my lifetime against gay men and woman is despicable.  One of the most vivid memories I have is watching young children hold signs outside of my college that spewed hateful messages about God hating gays and creating AIDS to eradicate the culture.  Even as I type this, I am crying thinking about how much hate and ignorance someone must have in their hearts to pass on thoughts of inequality to children. 

Some of my favorite people on earth are gay.  In the dance world, as stereotypical as this is, you DO cross paths with a lot of gay men.  Even though many of them are stereotypically “softer” in certain respects, these men are some of the strongest willed, and emotionally strong, people that I have ever met.  I have seen many of them find someone who is just PERFECT for them, and yet sadly, they don’t want to marry, or they CAN’T marry (depending on where they live). 

I have never understood why it wasn’t recognized that two people of the same sex couldn’t be together.  I grew up in the dance world, not to mention that my mother grew up in both the skating and dance world, and my grandmother was an interior designer and ice skater.  I grew up not just automatically knowing the culture, and what that entailed, but I grew up with parents that instilled within me a general kindness, acceptance, and loving nature that I wouldn’t know what to do without.  I accept all people, and I only don’t accept those that act hatefully and put out a negative energy into the world that is harmful. 

I am so glad and proud today that our nation is standing up and acting out against that hate.  Perhaps with this will come more education and understanding that people are people.  It doesn’t matter what your race is or what your sexual preference is or what your gender is.  We are all human who are trying to make sure that we keep intact our basic right to live. 

Today, celebrate who you love.  In this world, you never know when that might be taken away from you, whether it’s the cause of a government, or if it’s fate, or nature.  You never do know, so on this day of celebration, make sure everyone you love knows it.  And if there’s that special someone out there, make sure they know you love them. 

Through The Eyes of a Child

It is less than a week away until dance classes start.  During the time that I’m not at my other job or trying to enjoy my last few days of freedom, you can find me at my computer putting together lesson plans and searching for music.  One of the things I begin to think about is teaching in general.  Most years I think about what worked last year, what didn’t, what I experienced from other teachers over the summer, and what material I may have read over the past few months.  I put all that together and create what I think will equal out to be my best teaching yet.

For recreational classes one of the biggest tools I use is putting myself in the place of the child.  I teach multiple ages.  For the older kids, it’s not too hard to imagine what they want out of a class.  If they are in high school and in dance class, they’re there because they want to be.  So teaching a full out class is easy.  Middle school is a little more difficult.  These are important years because usually this is the time that they begin to branch out to school activities, and many times, they leave dance behind.  You want to make the class mature so that they feel like the older kids, but at the same time, they need to be nurtured like their younger counterparts. 

Elementary school age is probably the easiest for me to teach.  I am 28 years old, but I swear I’m a 10 year old at heart.  I love being silly, even if I do have to hold a sense of authority within the classroom.  Often times I come up with fun imagery.  For example- this past summer I had my little ones imagine that they had diamond necklaces around their necks so that they would “show it off”.  This pulled them up, and showed off their collar bones.  Some of the kids became so attached to the idea that in the last few days of their dance camp, they were bringing in various sparkly necklaces to make the imagery come to life.  It was a fun way for both them and me to see the excitement of something working.

I love seeing the world through the eyes of a child.  As we all grow older we think about the seriousness of dance, and the maturity needed for it, and the complicated world of technique and choreography.  Often times, I find it wonderful to just step back from it all and watch as the children dance.  It’s a reminder that dancing isn’t just about the technique.  It’s not about the steps.  It’s the love and passion that the kids have for it.  It’s a good reminder about life, too.  Adults like to think about the steps- what is the next step in my life?  What do I have to do to get from point a to point b?  Where will point b take me?  We don’t step back often enough to look at the sunset on our way home from work, or watch as our friends and family grow into people we enjoy even more on a daily basis.  We become competitive and narrow-minded.  Children don’t think that way. 

Children live their lives in the moment.  They go to dance classes to learn, and they are learning something that they enjoy.  They have fun doing something that is enriching their minds, bodies, and souls.  They are becoming well-rounded people.  To watch children grow is amazing enough, but to watch them blossom as the result of dance classes is something that I am honored to do.  It is wonderful for me to know that my career is letting me go back to being a child.  I learn as much from them as they learn from me, and that is one of the most amazing aspects of being a teacher.

For just a second today, I ask that you stop and watch a young child in the street.  Watch their curiosity, their happiness.  Watch how they don’t think much about what they are doing, but how much fun they are having while doing it.  Watch the smiles on their faces, and then try to remember what it was like when you were that young.  Put yourself in the shoes of that child, and prepare to be amazed at what will come of it.

Finding Peace and Love

I feel as though recently there has been so much sadness in my circle of friends.  From break ups and heartache, to deaths in the family, there have been so many unfortunate situations.  When you are constantly surrounded by it, it can be difficult to remember that there is so much to love.

I find my love in dance.  Obviously.  I am lucky that dance is not just what I do, but it’s what I love, and it’s my therapy.  When things get bad, I throw myself into teaching and dancing.  I have that outlet.  Many do not.

I don’t know what I would do without dance sometimes- that adrenaline rush from the physical output, and the emotional rush from letting your heart take over your body. 

I wish more people would dance.  I know that many guys find it “feminine” and don’t feel comfortable with it.  Imagine if more guys danced, though.  Not necessarily ballet, but other forms like hip hop.  Would there be less of that testosterone driven force in times of turmoil that lead to destructive behavior?  I’ve known many guys that when things get bad, they’ve turned to fighting or drinking or both.   If they had dance, would they be able to take their physicality into that? 

I’ve been known to have a temper in my “past life.”  I get angry and scream and cry, and when I didn’t have outlets to dance it out, it would get worse.  It was only a few months ago that I remember being so upset and angry that I was walking down the street choking on tears and unknowingly digging my nails into the palm of my hands because I was so emotional that I was uncontrollably making fists in order to steady the shaking.  Now, this doesn’t happen all the time to me, but it was a morning that I had to go into my other job that doesn’t involve dance, and the situation that had caused the outburst had happened first thing in the morning.  I had no opportunity to dance it out.  I had to wait until the next day to get into dance classes to teach.  Even so, I wish I had had the time to put what I was feeling into dance.  I got to later that week. 

I did a lot of improv when I got my chance to dance it out.  While some of it was slow and emotional, there were others that were angry, and on top of that there were some that I did that just brought me peace.  I feel like that’s the most important type- finding your peace.  When a dancer “dances it out” they often get totally caught up in the emotions.  One needs to find the balance.  They need to find their peace. 

My peace:

So what do you think- if more of the destructively emotional people out there danced, do you think it would help?  Or do you think it would not make a difference?  Do you think guys would do it more if it were socially acceptable? 

My belief is that it would help.  Everyone needs an outlet, and everyone needs the creative side to their outlet.  Dance is perfect for men because it involves both the creative and physical sides.  I'm sorry, but there's not much emotion in soccer or football or running.  Sports don't quite get that creativity side like dance does! 

This is my way of saying "I've had a sad day, and I want to spread my love to the universe."  So hopefully this has put a little more love and a little less sadness out into the world today. 

Forget regrets- dance like it's your last!

Coming Out of My Dance Shell

So I have been very absent from this blog lately. I have been absent from my Twitter page as well. This is due to some major changes in my personal life over the past few weeks, and I am sad to say that these were the first few things to go the wayside. However, I am slowly building back up to something along the lines of normalcy in my personal life, and I thought, what a wonderful way to bring it back through a blog!

So not to divulge too much about my situation, but let’s just say that I have released something in my life that was holding me down for too long, and it has rocked many of the foundations that I have built over the past few years of my life. However, with this rocking of foundations has come with certain realizations of myself. One of those realizations is that as a dancer, it is not just what I do, but part of who I am.

When this release happened, the first thing that I wanted to do was DANCE. I wanted to choreograph. I wanted to channel all those emotions and conflicts inside my head into bodily movement to tell my story. And you know what? I did. I took the time to go into a dance studio recently and just dance my heart out. I haven’t taken a dance class since the summer, and I was scared to know what I looked like. I had no mirrors in front of me to see how I was doing and I was barely awake with only half a cup of coffee in my system. I recorded my dancing, and to my surprise, I looked decent. We all have a tendency to be our own worst critics, but certain things surprised me.

There is one song that stood out for me when I improvised. I put on the song “Breathe Again” by Sara Bareilles, and just went for it. Little did I know that 1- it would turn into looking like a put together piece, and 2- that I would start crying in the middle of the dancing. The song is about leaving someone behind because you’re looking for something more, and hoping someday you’ll find it. It hits home a little too much right now. One movement where I let out all the air in body suddenly became an epic moment in my life. It was the realization that dance would always be there for me.

People ask all me the time- “well, what are you going to do when you can’t dance anymore?” People look at me like I’m crazy for wanting to be in a career where you don’t get paid a whole lot, and when you need to search out your own benefits, if you can get any. People wonder why I choose an art for a career.

This is my answer- I have known since the age of 7 that I wanted to be a dancer. Sure, I went through stints where I wanted to be a marine biologist or a writer, but I always knew inside that it was always going to be dance. I don’t care if there are hardships, or struggles. Those are just channeled into the choreography and dancing, and enhances my life experiences. Financially it may not be sound, but dancers find ways, and we make sacrifices so that we can do this. I do not get upset from having to have another job to pay my bills. If anything, it teaches me more discipline and responsibility. While I may have needed guidance in those areas for a while, I have grown to become an incredible person from my dancing. I have learned so much from being a dancer, and I continue to learn from it, and my mentors, teachers, and peers within the field.

Dance is not something that grew into my life. There was something in my soul and my spirit at conception that was implemented so that I would be able to share my talent with the universe. My purpose in life is to dance, and therefore, is part of me. It is part of who I am, and not just what I do, and how many people get to say that in this lifetime? Very very few.

I hope to continue to learn the various forms in which this purpose is going to manifest. I am excited that this realization came while I am still young enough to take full advantage of it, and I am looking forward to even more realizations in other parts of my life.

And you can bet that I will be back here more to talk about my journeys!

Thankfulness

I apologize for not updating recently (or within the past 2 months). My summer schedule to my fall schedule always hits me like a ton of bricks, and I tend to let things like this blog go the wayside. However, with the holidays coming up, I have more inspiration to write and the growing desire to write about my passions.

So for today, I am inspired by Thanksgiving! It is only 3 days away, and I am so excited! Since November 1st, I have been posting on my personal Facebook page statuses about what I am thankful for this year. It's been a way for me to remember that yes, there is a holiday between Halloween and Christmas, and a way to keep myself grounded. Thanksgiving isn't just about the gluttony of the season. It's about the people who made the long journey from England to a land unfamiliar to them. It's about their sacrifices and their survival; their determination to make a new life, even though they lost over half of their original crew. It is about being thankful for all that they had after they had lost so much.

In this spirit, I would like to talk about what I am thankful for in the dance world. And there is SO much to be thankful for!

I am thankful for ballet. As the base for all dance, I am thankful that I can pass on its importance to so many students. Even if they don't love it, they learn to appreciate it.

I am thankful for shows like So You Think You Can Dance and Dancing With the Stars. When I was younger, they didn't have shows like that. If you wanted to see dance, you had to go to the ballet, or find out when the modern dance companies were coming into town, or be a dancer yourself. I didn't have websites like Youtube to search for dancers for hours. I was considered different because I danced. I am so thankful that those shows brought dance to the mainstream's eye. Even for people who don't dance themselves, it brings it into their homes. Even my grandmother watches So You Think You Can Dance!

I am thankful for my students. Not only are they all beautiful dancers, but they are beautiful people as well, and will grow up as beautiful people. Their love for dance is almost unsurpassed compared to other places that I have seen.

I am thankful for the extensive knowledge I have of dance. It allows me to take care of myself and to take care of my students. I can answer most questions about random body aches and pains. I am no doctor, but I have helped to fix multiple questions of "why is my knee hurting when I do this?" or "I have a pain in my foot, what's wrong?" It helps me to prevent common injuries in dancers that don't work correctly, and it helps me to help my students.

I am thankful for all the teachers I have had in my life. From my first teacher Miss Debbie to the master class teachers that I take from today, and every single teacher in between, I have learned something from all of them, and have taken the good and put it into my own teachings.

I am thankful for still being able to have dance in my life at the age of 27. Not only does it keep my passion burning for it, but I attribute much of my youthfulness to it. I don't look 27 (thanks mom and dad!), and parts of me aren't as serious as some of my peers at 27. Dance helps me to bring in to focus what is important to me, and it is often not similar to what my peers consider important.

I am thankful for the opportunities dance gives everyone, both young and old. Whether it's an 8 year old going to the ballet for the first time, or a 55 year old taking a beginner modern dance class, it gives people a joy and a love that is unlike any other. When I was in high school, I got to perform for an AIDS benefit (one of my future goals is to create a show as an AIDS benefit) and even though at the time I just saw it as another performance, I realize now how important it was, and is, and will be, to be able to share my gifts for a good cause.

I could go on all day, but that is all I have time for today. I hope many of you out there will contemplate what you are thankful for this week! I know most of our minds will be on turkey and stuffing and family gatherings, but take a moment, however brief, and just remember how amazing it is to have the life that you have!

And if you are dancer, remember how lucky and happy you are to have dance in your life!

Happy Thanksgiving everyone!

For the Love of Dance

I missed a whole dance season here!

I apologize for not keeping up with this. Summer season is here, though, and I will have plenty of time to contemplate and update and introduce, etc.

The studio which I work for just had their recitals this past weekend. It’s always a unique experience for me, because not only do I get to work with all the students within the studio, but I get to see my own students put all their hard work onto the stage!

After the first of four (yes four!) recitals of the weekend, one of my competitive students came up to me backstage. She and a couple other girls asked if the number looked good. I told them it was one of the best times I’d ever seen their dance. The girl looked at me and said that it was the first time in a long time that she had had fun dancing. “I think it’s because I wasn’t worried about competition.” The other girls with her agreed. This got me thinking.

It made me a little sad to know that these kids, while loving dance, and enjoying being a competitive dancer, weren’t fully experiencing it. While yes, these students ARE competitive, and they ARE supposed to be working on their technique and perfecting their lines and turns and jumps, these students are also supposed to be learning to balance the fun with the hard work. This made me realize that even though my studio is tough on these kids, maybe I personally don’t remind them enough about the passion (and now I realize, maybe I don’t remind MYSELF enough about the passion).

Martha Graham (a pioneer and huge influence of the modern dance world, and an idol of mine) once said “Great dancers are not great because of their technique, they are great because of their passion.” As both a teacher and dancer, I know all too well that we often forget about the passion. It is the passion of dance that drives us to attending hours of classes each week that we emerge from with bloodied toes, aching joints, and sore muscles. It is the passion of dance that drives us to take the yelling of our teachers that we didn’t hit that triple turn for the umpteenth time. It is the passion of dance that brings us back to the classroom after we clumsily fell onstage during a competition number that most likely knocked the platinum-level dance down to a high gold. It is the inner passion that drives us. But we often overlook it, based on sheer discipline.

Dancers are essentially masochists. We allow others to beat us up, and we beat ourselves up. I have a student who proudly shows me bruises when she’s fallen hard on a great move to the floor. Non-dancers would not boast of something like that. Why would we do this? It is not the pride of the injury, but rather the pride of the perseverance that got us to overcome the bruises to master the step that caused it. As dancers, our teachers push us to that point of blood, sweat, and tears. As teachers, we push our students so they can know the sweet taste of the fruit of their labors.

However, what kind of teachers are we that we don’t remind these students of their LOVE for it? At our studio, the competition kids get a pizza party for one of their last classes. It’s a break from all the dancing before they go into recitals and finish the year off on a good note. For one of my older kids’ last jazz/lyric class, I gave them a jazzy/contemporary-esque style combination to get them to relax and have fun. One girl even said “I wish we had a combo class that we could go to every week, just to have fun.” Sometimes to remind the kids of their passion and love, we have to let them have fun and relax. Why not just let them dance?

The girl that approached me backstage reminded me that these kids are still kids. When they go onstage, they are still students. As they perform their entrance, they typically are thinking of what they need to do. “Smile bigger here,” “Straighten your knees in this leap,” “Use my spot for the triple pirouette.” They become so engrossed in what they NEED to do that they aren’t just simply DANCING. They are too concerned with the people in front of them that are marking down their scores. This is why I love recitals. They get to be reminded that they have friends and family that are there to just watch them dance. Their audience is there to watch them enjoy themselves.
Students don’t always realize, as well, that judges like to see students who love dancing. I acted as a judge for a competition this past season, and the ones who seemed to really enjoy themselves stood out in my mind. One can tell a huge difference between the girl with technique who is mentally in a place of what she is doing, or what she is about to do, and the girl with technique who is just out there to DANCE. Most people don’t realize that it shows an immense amount of difference.

Now, I am certainly not knocking competitive dancing. It is the main focus of the studio I work at, and it is SUCH a good tool to bring out the best dancer in some kids. I was a competitive dancer myself, and it helped me come out of my shell in more ways than I can explain. All I am merely trying to point out is that sometimes we need to bring kids out of their element to remember how much they love what they do. No one student walks into a competitive program with the expectation of it being easy. They need to love it, and need to have that unbridled desire to dance. It is that PASSION that brings them to the hard part, and the PASSION that pushes them to see it all the way through to the end.

I can only hope that many of these students keep that passion within them for the rest of their lives. Dance is never an easy road, and they have to remember why they do it, or else when they falter, or obstacles present themselves, they may not be able to overcome.

On another note, I need to remind myself that this is a passion of mine. As I get older, life can get in the way, and sometimes obstacles become harder to get over. Even recently, as my sister is auditioning for companies, and trying to get me to come along, I shy away from the idea merely because I see my shortcomings as obstacles. However, I am trying to pull myself together and get over those fears of not being able to hold my own. I have recently been working on my own ways to remind myself that this is what I’ve loved doing since I was five, and what I’ve known I’ve wanted to do for my career since I was seven. From reading dance books, to taking class, to keeping up on my dance blog (hint hint to self!), these are all things that excite me and remind me why I can’t live without dance.

So to summarize- sometimes we become too caught up in the technique to remember the beauty of what we do. We are our passion, and we need to be reminded, and remind ourselves, of our love affair with dance. Of course, as a teacher, it is my own personal responsibility to share that with my students.


Note: I am in no way criticizing the teachings or style of teachings of ANYONE. These are solely my thoughts on the topic, and merely contemplative in nature. It is not meant to offend or critique or downplay any one way of teaching or learning. Please keep this in mind.