*My sister and I summer of 2010. Kinda explains it all.
Dance is a world full of competition. Whether you are competing for prime roles in major ballets, competing for the front spot in your dance team, or just competing with yourself to get your battements higher, there is always that sense of trying to beat someone out. That competition only gets harder when you are competing with…a sibling.
Growing up, I had a lot of friends with siblings, and they always seemed to be opposites of each other. One was quiet, while one was loud. One was into sports, the other art. One was popular, one was not. This stereotype even held true to me and my own sister. While I was the studious good girl who was involved in church groups and couldn’t care less about my poofy frizzy hair, my sister was the primped up popular kid who spent her nights partying and her days sleeping through school. Somehow, with these opposite personalities, we both found our niche in dance.
Not too long ago, I read the autobiography of Fred Astaire “Steps in Time” that had been originally published in 1959. While knowing of Fred Astaire, and falling in love with his many movies co-starring with Ginger Rogers, I was surprised to learn of his sister Adele. I was also surprised to learn that she had been a famous dancer, as well. The only difference was that Adele had been more of a vaudeville star, while Fred had stepped into the movie business.
Mr. Astaire spoke adoringly of his sister. She was the older of the two, and yet while there were many small jokes and digs at Adele, Fred always managed to speak of her respectfully, as if she had been the movie star. Fred contributed much of his early success in the vaudeville circuit to his sister, but one has to wonder- how much sibling rivalry was there? Particularly in the 50’s, it was not looked upon favorably to speak ill of one’s family, so it makes me wonder how many spats they actually had.
I even see it among my own students. As a dance teacher, you get to see many dancers grow, and you also get to see their younger siblings come in and get excited about following in their big sister or brother’s shoes. When they finally start dancing in the same circuits, you also get to see them either get along famously, or fight like cats and dogs.
My sister and I were the students that fought like cats and dogs. Sis and I are five years apart, but even so, when the competitive teams formed my freshmen year of high school, there were only so many levels. While I was in one of the top teams, my sister was in one of the younger. I even helped assist one of her classes (with a very fond memory of being left alone with them one day and having to scream at her and her best friend… They were fondly nicknamed “Monster and Munchkin”). We did not often dance together, but in my sophomore year of high school, it was suggested we do a duo. I can remember many rehearsals where our mother brought us into the studio to practice, and my dearly patient mother yelling at us to practice the lift again so that my sister would put her foot in the right place and I wouldn’t purposely drop her on her head. We did win the Top Duo award at a summer competition that year, but my sister and I never did a duo. Ever again.
At only two other points do I remember us dancing together. In my senior year, we did an all-competitive team dance to “Because We Can” from Moulin Rouge, and in that same year, we needed a couple of fill-ins for when we went to Nationals, and my sister and 2 others filled in the spots. While I don’t specifically remember if there were any conflicts within these dances, I know we stuck to our own groups of friends, and tried not to admit too much that we were related.
Other than choreographing a jazz solo for her a couple of years later, my sister and I have not crossed paths dance-wise. She DID however, wind up at the same university as I did for a dance major. By the time she graduated this year, though, there were only a handful of teachers still there that even knew who I was.
Through all our experiences together, there was always a sense of sibling rivalry. The best way to describe it is that my sister and I, while both very good dancers, had very different styles, and very different backgrounds. While I didn’t get to start competing until I was 14, my sister was 9 when she started. She won titles, while I never came close. She was a style-ized dancer with an earlier, stricter training, and a bit of a crazy personality. I was the technical dancer who blossomed as she got older, and was very shy until I hit the stage. There have been times when I’ve admittedly been jealous of my sister, but I’m sure there have been times when my sister has envied what I’ve had (though my sister being who she is would NEVER admit that to anyone!).
I am now starting to find that my sister and I are beginning to cross paths again. While I am personally trying to reignite my dance/teaching career, my sister is just beginning hers with her recent graduation from the University of Hartford. We want to take similar dance classes, and that is leading her to auditions, which is leading her to ask me to come along. The only problem is- what happens when one of us gets the job, and the other does not?
Now, my sister and I would be able to handle it, but I’ve seen plenty of sibling duos that I don’t think would easily take that competition. I have seen younger siblings that idolize their older counterparts, but have gotten the parts that they wanted, and watched the foundations of their relationships crack. I think it’s the toughest in any performing arts. To dance is to love. You must have an undying passion for dance to make it as your career. When one’s passion is being compared against their closest DNA match, and often their friend, hearts can be broken. At the same time, that sibling bond can be your biggest boost, your biggest inspiration, and your biggest support system. To have someone so close to you understand that love, and what it means to “put it all out there” is a gift.
Personally, while I have had my bouts with my sister, she is my biggest inspiration. She is an innovative choreographer. I haven’t seen much of her as a dancer, but what I have seen- she is good. She pushes me to be better, and to be on top of my game. We don’t always get along, particularly with being in such different places in our lives, but I love the kid with all my heart.
I can only hope that other dancers with siblings can find that love and shared passion in their own lives. It has helped connect me and my sister (otherwise, our friendship may have been lost years ago), and can help others share a bond. I look forward to possible future endeavors with my sister, and I even hope that we continue with our minor sibling rivalry so that I never lose that desire to be better.
So to Fred Astaire who joked of his sister, but never lost his adoration of her- I tip my hat to you, sir, in full understanding.
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